Wednesday, 22 May 2019

NOT SO SWEET REVENGE - 100 word story

I looked at this week's Friday Fictioneers photo prompt and remembered that many years ago I wrote a story about a donkey. I never expected to use it again in a re-write which just goes to show: never throw away your old stories.


PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carroll


NOT SO SWEET REVENGE

Pablito suffered a miserable life in servitude to Manolo, the meanest man in Murcia.
In the almond groves Manolo harvested nuts, tasting as he worked. Pablito endured the searing sun.
Suddenly Manolo started choking. Pablito watched his nemesis make horrible strangling noises, turn purple and collapse.
The donkey was free. Years of pent-up animosity released themselves in an almighty kick to Manolo’s back.
The almond shot out of Manolo’s throat, ricocheted off a tree and hit Pablito between the eyes.
Manolo bounced back to life.
“Ooooh shiiiiit,” brayed Pablito - which sounded to human ears like a demented heeee-haaaaaaw.



I hope you enjoyed this story and I look forward to your comments. 

I will be away vagabonding in June. See you when I return in July.

If you wish to read more Friday Fictioneers stories, you can find them listed HERE


If you'd like to join in the challenge, you'll find all the information posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields 


- her blog is listed on 'My Blog List' on the right hand side of this page.


On a final note - I always try to visit the blogs of everyone who comments on mine. If I haven't commented on yours it's either because I haven't been redirected to your blog when I've clicked on your name or because you have a wordpress account that requires me to sign into wordpress first. 
Please check and amend your settings. Thanks.




64 comments:

  1. I'm certain Manolo will be transformed by his near-death experience and treat everyone, including the donkey, with great kindness. No?

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    1. He he - well Pablito doesn't seem to think so! :)

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  2. Dear Susan,

    I fear what happened next. At any rate, a good story. I agree...never throw any writing away, you never know when you might be able to use it.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Maybe Manolo will think Pablito tried to save him? :)

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  3. A donkey's hee-haw will never sound the same to me again! Nice one Susan.

    My story - 'A stab in the dark'

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  4. Aww that poor donkey! Fate is cruel.
    Great story from the vault.

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    1. Thanks, Tannille. I wrote it in a frivolous mood. :)

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  5. Just when it looked as if things were turning for the better for Pablito, Fate took a hand. Neat twist.
    Ann

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    1. Thanks, Ann. You never know what might happen from your actions. :)

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    2. That was great, Susan, especially the ending. It's a good thing it came out as hee-haw or poor Pablito would have been in even worse trouble. Well written. :D --- Suzanne

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    3. Glad you enjoyed it, Suzanne. Appreciate your feedback. :)

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  6. Poor Pablito, can't win from losing...

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. No, he should have walked away instead of delivering that kick. :)

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  7. Oh, poor Pablito! This is a story well worth repeating :)

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  8. Thanks, Josh - glad you liked it. :)

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  9. Haha, trag-comedy of the highest order. Poor Pablito!

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    1. Thanks for your comment, Iain - appreciate it.

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  10. Too funny....glad I found your blog. I'm off to check out Rochelle's. I am also starting a Friday Foto Flash challenge this week, hope you might find time to check it out and write a short tale (500 words or less).

    DB McNicol
    author, traveler, shutterbug
    Author Blog
    Personal Blog

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    1. Thanks Donna. I'll take a look, but can't promise I'll manage another, similar photo prompt writing project.

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  11. Goodness! This made me laugh. Poor Pablito, I fear he will not be well rewarded.

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    1. Susan, the above comment is my me, Alicia Jamtaas. Evidently I didn't amend my ways.

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    2. Hi Alicia, thanks for commenting... and identifying yourself! :)

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  12. animal handlers always advise never to get right behind a donkey if you know what's good for you. fun read. :)

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    1. He he - that's true. Thanks for your comment.

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  13. Just as Manolo got a kick out of this, so did I. Very good imagination.

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  14. Ha! I think Pablito's dismay when Manolo survived is a universal feeling. That crushing of one's only hope. Glad you kept this story, it's wonderful.

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    1. Thanks for the lovely comment, Fatima. (I'm glad I kept it now too!)

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  15. Oh no, poor Pablito :-( Made me smile :-)

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    1. It's okay, I smiled when I wrote it. Thanks for the comment.

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  16. Great plot, good description, engaging characters and a super humorous twist. Very enjoyable story Susan!

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  17. Thanks for your lovely feedback, Penny. Glad you enjoyed the story.

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  18. This was funny, Susan. Karma was super fast on this one!

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  19. Poor Pablito. But, in the end he did the right thing? I thoroughly enjoyed your story! =)

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    1. Thanks, Brenda - glad you enjoyed my story! :)

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  20. Ha! that made me laugh, good stuff

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  21. Replies
    1. Thanks for commenting, Patsy - appreciate it. :)

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  22. Great story, Susan - made me smile :)

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  23. Thanks, Liz - glad you liked it. :)

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  24. Paybacks are hell. Good job Pablito.

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  25. Ha! Ha! Should have let him choke instead of working on that Heimlich kick.

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    1. He he, yes, I think the donkey wishes he'd left well alone. Thanks for the comment, Subroto.

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  26. I enjoyed this so much. What great characters. I hope the donkey gets a better deal from now on, but somehow I don't think he will.

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    1. I suppose it depends on whether Manolo has a 'grateful' gene. Thanks for the feedback - appreciate it! :)

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  27. I loved this. Poor unwilling life safer Pablito. Freedom snatched away, I bet he wishes he could have those few seconds of his life again, to keep his feet firmly on the floor.

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  28. A lesson in how not to be spontaneous? Glad you enjoyed the story, Michael.

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  29. so the donkey was never really free. The master made sure of that. A story with a twist.
    https://ideasolsi65.blogspot.com/2019/05/the-dark-horse.html

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    1. Well, I'd say the donkey would have been freed from him if it hadn't kicked and dislodged that almond. Thanks for the comment, Kalpana.

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  30. What a laugh riot of a story! Nice twist at the end. Good writing, too.

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  31. Oh... poor donkey... but maybe in the end Manolo will change.

    This reminded me of a poem by Juan Ramón Jiménez that I heard recited to guitar music... "Platero and I"... which is much sadder and kinder between the owner and donkey.

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    1. That's interesting to know. Having lived in Spain, I speak a bit of Spanish, so I'll see if I can find his poem.

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  32. This is hilarious! A new twist on "don't kick 'em when they're down."

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Many thanks for commenting. I appreciate your feedback.