Wednesday, 10 January 2018

BITER BIT - 100 Words

As soon as I saw the photo prompt for this week's Friday Fictioneers 100 word challenge I thought of the famous quote:

'Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive'.

This story is adapted from a true experience in Namibia. 


PHOTO PROMPT © Victor and Sarah Potter


BITER BIT

The gorge was flanked by cliffs layered like flaky pastry. I lifted my camera.
'I'll stand here, for perspective, Katy.' Ben posed. 
He looked magnificent. Although I’d cut my throat before I told the vain git.
Further along we found a snake curled asleep.
'Wow! Take our picture.' Ben stepped forwards, turned and posed.
The snake slid away.
'Uh, Ben? Don’t move. It’s a cobra.'
Ben froze. 'You kidding?'
'No, mate. Hold still. Movement might trigger a strike.'
Gleefully I photographed Ben’s beautiful, terrified face.
His expression changed. 'Uh, Katy? There's another one right behind you.'



I hope you enjoyed my story and I look forward to reading your comments. 

If you wish to read more Friday Fictioneers stories, you can find them listed HERE


If you'd like to join in the challenge, you'll find the all information posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields 
- her blog is listed on 'My Blog List' on the right hand side of this page



69 comments:

  1. Given that your still alive it seems you survived this experience! Terrifying and humourous too.

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    1. Yes I survived! In the real story there was one cobra, two very nervous hikers and not a vain poser to be seen. :)

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  2. Love's little niggles beautifulluy captured

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  3. Yikes! A Cobra? Exit, stage right for me please. But this story was absolutely crackling with humor. Nicely done, Susan.

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    1. Thank, Varad. Yes, it was a Cape Cobra.

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  4. Can't imagine how terrified I'd be in this situation! Great take on the prompt, Susan

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    1. Thanks, Lynn. I have respect for them, but I've never had a huge fear of snakes - I find them very fascinating.

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  5. Nice twist, Susan - and I see from the other comments that you didn't barely escape with your life!

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  6. In the true story, we didn't know what species the snake was until it suddenly turned on us, reared up and spread its hood. You have never seen two people walk backwards so fast! :)

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  7. I would be terrified too... even before it had spread it's hood... love th dialogue and I'm curious how the picture turned out.

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  8. I like to think that Katy managed to photograph the snake behind her... and dump Ben the vain git afterwards.

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  9. Dear Susan,

    I loved the 'vain git' line. Tense story. I hoped they would both make it out alive. Well done and even more intriguing since it's based on facts.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Well you know what they say, Rochelle, about truth being stranger than fiction! :)

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  10. Hm. I was wondering if there really was a second snake behind Katy, or if Ben was just fooling her to give her a taste of her own medicine. However, in a comment above, you said "I like to think that Katy managed to photograph the snake behind her" so I guess there really was one.

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    1. Yes, I think there really was a snake behind her, on the grounds that Ben isn't all that clever - but I could be wrong.

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  11. Hair raising tale! I'm not especially afraid of snakes, but I'd have second thoughts accidentally getting too close to a cobra in the wild.

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    1. Joy, in the real scenario we were keeping well back from the snake and had no idea it was a cobra until it reared up and opened its hood. We abandoned our hike and returned to the warden's office. It was he who confirmed that it would have been a Cape Cobra.

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  12. So....I would be scared out of my hat! Great story especially with that last sentence. I am thinking you came across a Cobra but only one...I hope.

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    1. Yes, Birgit - and one was enough I can tell you!

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    1. Thank you - I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

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  14. Woah! I was terrified just reading it, so I cannot even begin to imagine your state!

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    1. He he - well it all happened very quickly, so we didn't really have time to be scared. But we did skedaddle immediately!

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  15. Oops! How long did you stand there motionless? :-)

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    1. We didn't - we retreated by walking backwards as fast as possible.

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  16. I enjoyed your story, in a skin-crawling sort of way...! Good situation, fluent writing, and nice punchline.

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    1. Thanks for the feedback, Penny - much appreciated.

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  17. Such a graphic opening line, and very entertaining.

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    1. Thanks, Sandra - always good to know if I've managed to entertain the readers!

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  18. Not a situation I'd like to find myself in! Nice one Susan - sort of!

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  19. Not so much glee on her part now is there? I would have been out of there at the first snake sighting.

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  20. OMG... this was very cleverly told. A tangled web indeed... though I do love the idea of her photographing his terrified expression

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    1. Thanks for the feedback. Yes, he deserved it really.

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  21. Ouch! So much for enjoying his distress, how quickly the tables turned.

    When I was a kid my father was in the Indian Army and as a result I have stayed in many army cantonments in remote areas (in those days). Have too many snake stories of my own, like the cobra under my grandmother's bed. And then I moved to Australia..sigh..

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    1. Ha ha - that's a great story, Subroto. My parents grew up in the Asia and also had some hairy snake stories to outdo mine!

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  22. Brilliant dialogue,Susan.
    I would probably have fainted in that situation. Admire Katy's strength.

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    1. Thank you, Moon - glad you enjoyed it.

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  23. Terrifying situation but humorously told. Nicely done, Susan.
    Thanks,
    Norma.

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    1. Yes, pretty scary, Norma. Thanks for commenting.

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  24. Very well told.

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    1. Thank you - glad to know you liked it. :)

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  25. A cobra's nothing to fool with. My husband and I were living some years ago in a farmhouse in the mountains here in India. I opened the bathroom door and there was a cobra looking at me with the hood spread out. I quickly closed the door and some men came to remove it. Good writing, Susan. :) --- Suzanne

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    2. I agree, Suzanne. Thankfully we were able to retreat and leave the national park we were visiting. :)

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  26. Spiders and snakes always get the heart beat racing, even before they bite. Amazing really.

    James McEwan

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  27. What is it about them? Some sort of primitive reaction? :)

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  28. Scary story! Glad you both made it out okay. I like the "don't laugh, it could happen to you" part of this. Nicely done. Thanks for visiting my blog!
    Anne from annehiga.com

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    1. Thanks for your encouraging words, Anne. :)

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  29. Oh geez. Now I'll be watching for snakes where I know there aren't any :)

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  30. You never know, Linda - you never know... :)

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  31. WOW ... I'd have been screaming. But, then again, I'm a scaredy cat. hehe
    Glad you both survived, Susan. the snake encounter. Interesting experience ...
    Isadora 😎

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  32. Nice mix of tension and humor in this, Susan. A fun read. - Russell

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    1. Glad to know you enjoyed it, Russell. :)

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  33. Love the fun relationship this pair have. Particularly enjoyed 'Although I’d cut my throat before I told the vain git' which gives us such an strong insight.

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    1. I think the challenge with short fiction is to paint as vivid a picture as possible in a limited number of words so it's great to hear that that sentence did its job!

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  34. I thought of the same quote, Susan. Then couldn't get it going along with it so looked up another ;-)
    Loved this... more so because it is true!

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  35. That's the challenge, isn't it? To try to cram as much information as possible to paint the picture, in so few words!
    Glad you liked it, Sara.

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  36. Holy snake! Interesting take!
    What happened next?
    Scary situation indeed.

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    1. He he - I've left it up the reader to choose their own ending! :)

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  37. I liked the layers to this story - apart from the main plot line of the snake, I got a clear picture of the couple, him her, their relationship. In so few words. Amazing

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    1. Thank you, Dahlia - I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  38. Ugh! That sent shivers up my spine. Brilliantly captured, Susan.

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  39. Thanks, Helen - I achieved my aim then!

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Thank you for your comment!