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| Photo prompt © Ronda Del Boccio |
KEEPING IT CLEAN
Sheila tapped the soap
three times and washed her hands. Tapped twice, washed her hands.
Tapped once more and washed her hands.
She contemplated her
new, empty window boxes. So sleek. So pristine. So beautiful. But what
could she plant?
Flowers were a definite
no. Too much mess.
Something green?
Something simple? Something clean? Oh, yes.
She had an idea.
An hour later the boxes
were filled.
With a tentative
finger, Sheila stroked a blade of grass.
Damn!
Sheila tapped the soap
three times and washed her hands. Tapped twice, washed her hands.
Tapped once more and washed her hands.
I hope you enjoyed this story and I look forward to your comments.
If you wish to read more Friday Fictioneers stories, you can find them listed HERE
If you wish to read more Friday Fictioneers stories, you can find them listed HERE
If you'd like to join in the challenge, you'll find all the information posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
- her blog is listed on 'My Blog List' on the right hand side of this page.
On a final note - I always try to visit the blogs of everyone who comments on mine. If I haven't commented on yours it's either because I haven't been able to find your blog when I've clicked on your name or because you have a wordpress account that requires me to sign in first.
Nothing is as simple and clean as we think
ReplyDeleteEspecially for poor Sheila.
DeleteThat didn't quite work out as she had planned.
ReplyDeleteshe'll be find if stops being tempted to stroke the grass. :)
DeletePoor Sheila, I'm not sure any sort of window box is going to be good for her OCD...
ReplyDeleteAh, but consider the allure, Iain, the allure of a pristine window box!
DeleteIt must be dreadful to be that obsessive. Well written, Susan.
ReplyDeleteYes, Lizy - under the upbeat tone of the story lies a sad one.
DeleteNicely structured. The repetition is so evocative of the condition. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sandra. Appreciate the feedback.
DeleteShiela was a cleanliness freak.
ReplyDeleteShe was!
DeleteShe should have planted saponaria.
ReplyDeleteSoapwort? Yes, indeed! :)
DeleteSomebody sounds a little compulsive. Are there any plants that would work for her? besides plastic...
ReplyDeleteProbably not, Trent.
DeleteExcellent take on the prompt. You've constructed the story very neatly. Poor Sheila, suffering from OCD.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Penny. The idea came to me because those boxes looked so manicured and tidy! :)
DeleteIt occurs to me that describing a person's actions would take much longer if he or she has OCD. Wonder how long it would have taken her to fill that box otherwise?
ReplyDeleteWay more than the allocated 100 word, word count! :)
DeleteThe ritualistic hand-washing describes her condition well.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Gah. It's a serious problem for some people.
DeleteAn interesting take Susan.
ReplyDeleteI read an article about someone with OCD recently which gave me the idea. :)
DeleteThat's a quick recipe for chapped hands and maybe a show recipe for a chat with a therapist.
ReplyDeleteYes, she needs help. Thanks for commenting, Alice.
DeleteAn unusual take. Like the way you crafted this.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Glad it worked for you.
DeletePoor Sheila. It must be hard living with that.
ReplyDeleteYes I think it's a lot harder than people realise.
DeleteNo, it's not fun for a sufferer. Thanks for the feedback - I'm glad I hit the right tone.
ReplyDeleteSheila has quite a major problem
ReplyDeleteShe does. Thanks for commenting. :)
DeleteDear Susan,
ReplyDeleteYou've encapsulated a piece of the day in the life of someone with OCD. It's a very real disorder. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Yes, sufferers tend not to be taken seriously, but it has a huge impact on peoples' lives. Thanks for commenting, Rochelle.
DeleteOh dear... I cannot imagine the stress living with OCD can bring... this was perfectly done!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Dale. Good to know I struck the right note.
DeleteBrilliant!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Helen - appreciate your succinct comment! :)
DeleteTime to think again. Perhaps the sleek pristine boxes would be best left empty.
ReplyDeleteYes, she might regret that grass. Thanks for commenting, Keith.
DeleteA little OCD going on there. Three is often the magic number for people who are burdened with OCD. You did a fine job of portraying this woman.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Linda. Your comment is much appreciated.
DeleteShame for her. But I love the soap detail, really nailed it
ReplyDeleteYes, sad for her. Thank you for your comment! :)
DeleteYes, indeed, Anurag. Thanks for commenting.
ReplyDeleteAn imaginative take of the prompt - the obsessive hand washing for me fitted the pristinely clean green blades of grass so well. Clever story.
ReplyDeleteThank you! It was clean looking boxes that triggered my idea. :)
DeleteDifferent take, Susan!
ReplyDeleteShe has OCD- obsessive compulsive disorder :)
Gardening is not the hobby for her then!
No, I think gardening is a challenge for sufferers of the condition. Thanks for commenting, Anita.
DeleteWow! The only suggestion I have is to introduce one word, Susan...
ReplyDelete"Sheila stroked a plastic blade of grass."
Well observed.
marion
Yes, that would have worked nicely, Marion - thanks for your suggestion. :)
DeleteAn fine portrayal of person suffering from OCD, you have brought out her stress so well.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Subroto - glad to know my story worked for you.
DeleteExcellent! I could see her every move.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the feedback, Dawn - much appreciated.
DeleteWell told. Such a debilitating exhausting condition to have to live with. Jilly, Sugar on the Bee
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm sure it is exhausting, Jilly. I do feel for anyone who suffers from it. Thanks for commenting. :)
DeleteVery vividly painted!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Dahlia. :)
DeleteI really liked that story. Not that I am OCD, but i have developed a good appreciation for clean hands. OK, maybe i am a bit OCD.
ReplyDeleteHa ha - thanks for commenting, Susan. I must confess I'm a big hand-washer too, but I don't have any rituals surrounding it. :)
DeleteI don't tap but can relate to the excessive washing of hands. I loved how she achieved planting the grass despite her OCD.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Fatima. Appreciate your comments. :)
DeleteNice take on the prompt, Susan. A woman suffering from OCD. It's great how she still went ahead with the planting in spite of it, though.
ReplyDeleteDeborah
Thanks, Deborah. Appreciate your feedback. :)
Delete