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| © Linda Kreger |
PUSHING BOUNDARIES
Mum's menopause made
her mad. She complained loudly about hot flushes and stripped off in
public.
When anyone looked
askance she'd snarl, 'Bloody
menopause.'
I
asked her to be discreet.
'Hah!
Half the population have to endure this. Why the hell are we forced
to treat it like a dirty secret?'
'You
embarrass everyone.'
'In
that case it's time we pushed the boundaries.'
I
rolled my eyes. What now?
'We
need a campaign to push this out in the open. Women and men have to unite
against these ridiculous taboos.'
I
fled.
But
deep down I knew she was right.
I hope you enjoyed this story and found it thought provoking. I look forward to your comments.
If you wish to read more Friday Fictioneers stories, you can find them listed HERE
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- her blog is listed on 'My Blog List' on the right hand side of this page.
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Dear Susan,
ReplyDeletePerhaps Mum pushed the boundaries a little too far over the line. Although those hot flashes can be brutal. Evocative story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
I dunno, Rochelle. Maybe if everyone started pushing the boundaries a little too far people would recognise the existence of these things instead of pretending they don't exist.
DeleteI'm imagining a world in which we've pushed all the boundaries. Would this heaven be a featureless mist?
ReplyDeleteGood question, Neil!
DeleteI agree, we should. About menopause, menstruation, pregnancy. These natural things are nothing to be ashamed about.
ReplyDeleteYet women are often expected to put up and shut up as if they do have something to feel ashamed about. It baffles me how this seems to have happened throughout history.
DeleteMixed emotions on this one. Of course there should be no boundaries and people should be able to talk about personal problems if they wish too. On the other hand, there are some things that are personal and should remain so without forcing them onto other people. It's a fine line to tread!
ReplyDeleteYes, I do think we all have to consider others' feelings about certain issues and not bang on about them, but I also do not think we should have to pretend those issues don't exist.
DeleteShout from the roof-tops, why not? And yes, it is indeed a thought-provoking piece.
ReplyDeleteYes a bit of shouting is necessary. In 2019 I find it amazing that women still feel embarrassed about normal bodily functions and think they have to pretend they are fine when they're not.
DeleteThere's a lot less secrecy than when I was a kid, for sure. Now we're seeing quite graphic TV ads for sanitary products, talking about the degree of one's flow and the importance of absorption. I can remember when it was shocking when the 18-hour bra was pictured on TV :) I still feel uncomfortable, though, when these things come up in mixed company. There must be better things to talk about. How about male genitalia? We've pretty much exposed everything about the female sort :)
ReplyDeleteNo. I'm kidding. I DO NOT want to discuss male genitalia.
Oh you did make me laugh, Linda! I don't necessarily think we have to go into graphic detail around the dinner table about these things. But I do think it's wrong that women are made to feel embarrassed about their bodies.
DeleteI don't know anything about menopause, menstruation, pregnancy. Lucky me!
ReplyDeleteNot knowing how women's bodies work is lucky?
DeleteI think this is a boundary to push... we just have to accept it that some things happen... and knowing leads to understanding. I wonder what part of men's bodily failures we should be more open about... the prostrate problems and incontinence maybe.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, Bjorn! Thanks for commenting.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteSpam deleted! (sigh)
DeleteOh I am there! I have no qualms in saying I have menopause and you don't want to push my buttons:) If they get squeemish or look at me with a disapproving eye, I just look at them and say, "when you feel like you are ready to self-combust, have had little sleep due to night sweats plus other lovely symptoms, then give me that look." I am now dealing with something else related but I have to go for an ultrasound..ughhh.
ReplyDeleteBirgit, I didn't realise how 'unmentionable' the menopause was until I began to experience symptoms and started getting shut out by my friends (male & female) when I talked about it.
DeleteYour mum's a sharp cookie. It's only uncomfortable while it remains under cover. The more you talk openly the more free you feel, and others witness that freedom and it ripples outward to sweeping change.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting, Jade. I think you're right and it's high time women were stopped from feeling embarrassed about their reproductive systems.
DeleteI couldn't agree more. There are far too many taboo topics is our society. If we talked about them more, I think we would understand each other better.
ReplyDeleteYes, these taboos date a long, long way back. Steeped in religion too - which, let's face it, were invented by men. I get outraged when a woman having her period is branded 'unclean'. How dare anyone think that in this day and age?
DeleteI'm sure many people would agree with mum but act as the daughter did!
ReplyDeleteHe he - I know that's what I would have done if it had been my own mother when I was a teenager!
DeleteI am very much on your mum's team here, but I think these problems differ significantly depending on where you are.
ReplyDeleteThe USA is notoriously nipplephobic, for example, while here in France near-nudity is widely acceptable, and I think this applies to ladies' bodily functions too.
Allez Les Femmes!
Yes, you're right about different countries and cultures having different notions on what is and is not acceptable. I've lived in both Spain and France and I love the relaxed openness of people in Europe.
DeleteSure we should discuss the menopause, and periods, but not embarrass others by public displays. Hot flushes are as much a part of life as going to the toilet, but we shouldn't discuss that loudly either.
ReplyDeleteI agree that there's a time and a place to discuss one's bodily functions but I was really aiming to show how the menopause affects women's moods and the mother's indignance about being expected to keep her menopausal woes a secret.
DeleteSusan, my problem of late isn't just about people not talking about menopause, but not talking about anything much at all possibly because we're too addicted to our screens, working too much. I don't know but people seem to have lost the art of conversation. I have some serious health issues but I don't discuss them too much because I'd rather talk about other stuff. However, I started feeling a bit blocked up and inauthentic. That my self wasn't interacting in these conversations and I wasn't real. I haven't really been able to move forward from that and love the honesty and integrity I have with my fellow bloggers. I am probably going through menopause myself at the moment. However, with my complex health issues, it's hard to know what's what. I'll probably end up in Emergency thinking I'm dying and it won't be from one of these more sinister causes but something menopause has dished up.
ReplyDeleteLastly, I think menopause is also a difficult subject because there's quite a lot of variation and speaking of myself, I have moody teenagers and am supposed to be discussing the onset of periods with my daughter and haven't quite found the words. Not easy.
Thank you for your comments (although I wish you weren't anonymous). I think you're right about people suffering from a 'disconnect' and the menopause is certainly a difficult subject! I hope you'll find a way to deal with what sounds like multiple complications in your life at the moment.
DeleteA realistic story, Susan. My mother suffered in silence most of the time outside our home but told me several times my birth when she was almost forty pushed her right into menopause. I didn’t say a word. It wasn’t my fault. I now live in a conservative society here in India so keep my big mouth shut. I’m already capable of shocking people with my opinions about health conditions. In the U.S., my daughter is a liberal but my son is more conservative than I ever was. :) --- Suzanne
DeleteYes, I'm sure discussing things like this in India would be frowned upon. Different cultures have different views and it's going to take a long time for things to change on a worldwide basis. It won't be in my lifetime, that's for sure.
Deleteit maybe a little bit premature, but if not now, when? ")
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting, plaridel.
ReplyDeleteI think its always important to have these conversation. Though as a dad of young women there are times where I am kindly told to close my ears if I don't want to hear details. It is time then for me to take a man o pause.
ReplyDeleteHe he - well there's a balance that must be recognised between men and women. I can understand why you, as a man, don't want or need to know every tiny detail. I think it's more about being able to say, 'I feel unwell because...' and be able to say what it is that's making you feel unwell instead of having to hide it through embarrassment. I suppose that's what my story is about - the need for women to stop feeling embarrassed rather than the need to go into the details. Hope that makes sense.
DeleteHow true that women's issues tend to be taboo.
ReplyDeleteKeep pushing there Lady!!
Thanks for that, Dale! :)
DeleteI'm absolutely on Mom's side, out with it into the open, puberty, periods, prostate problems, menopause, we all change over time.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is often the demeaning attitude towards changes in women, whether she is in a bad mood because of her period (oh, don't mind her, she's pm-ing) or feeling grouchy because of menopause (dragon lady grumps again, don't mind her, it's the hormones). Not being shy about the symptoms certainly is a good first step.
Thanks for the feedback - you're absolutely right!
DeleteOh yes, she is certainly right, but I feel the author's pain too. Awkward, embarrassing... it's how we've been taught to feel... from day for getting first period, to hormonal swings... pregnancy brain to menopause...
ReplyDeleteArghhh
You know what. I get angry. That's it. I get angry. I'm a woman and I feel anger.
Yes, I get angry too. Thanks for commenting! :)
DeleteSo glad hot flashes were one of the symptoms I rarely had.
ReplyDeleteHe he - trust me, they are really horrible when they happen umpteen times a day, Dawn. Thanks for commenting. :)
DeleteI'm a tad late due to Hurricane Dorian's rain, rain, rain. A blessings actually as it could have been worse.
ReplyDeleteI've hear women complain about menopause. I'm sure it's a diffficult isse. You brought it
to light and in a very well written way.
Isadora ��
Thanks Isadora - and sorry for my late response to your feedback.
Delete