Wednesday, 7 February 2018

THE RAPTURE OF THE DEEP - 100 word story

The Friday Fictioneers photo prompt this week reminded me of places where I've dived and made me want to tell a scuba diving story. As I'm short on time I've rewritten a story to make it fit the word count. Nitrogen Narcosis exists - but recreational divers aren't at risk if they keep within maximum depths!


PHOTO PROMPT © JS Brand



THE RAPTURE OF THE DEEP

‘Nitrogen narcosis, The Rapture of the Deep. It changes your reality.' Tom looked into Ella's eyes. 'The Rapture is intoxicating, seductive and potentially deadly.’
‘Blimey,’ said Ella.
They descended amidst a pageant of marine life. Corals glowed and pulsed. Impossibly hued fish shimmied and salsa’d, saying, ‘look at us, Ella.’
Was this it? The Rapture? But it was glorious. Ella pirouetted, beckoning to the fish to be stroked.
She swooped down, following them. Tom caught her. She giggled and twisted in his arms. Tom's eyes dilated. He laughed.
They spat out their mouthpieces and swam, enraptured, into the abyss.




I'm going vagabonding for a few weeks so this is my last story for a little while. I hope you enjoyed it and I look forward to reading your comments. 

If you wish to read more Friday Fictioneers stories, you can find them listed HERE


If you'd like to join in the challenge, you'll find all the information posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields 
- her blog is listed on 'My Blog List' on the right hand side of this page.

On a final note - I always try to visit the blogs of everyone who comments on mine. If I haven't commented on yours it's either because I haven't been able to find your blog when I've clicked on your name or because you have a wordpress account that requires me to sign in first. 


67 comments:

  1. Dear Susan,

    As a child I was a huge Sea Hunt fan. Love underwater. It's a whole other world. Your story captures that. Sensually and visually entertaining.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Thanks for the feedback, Rochelle. I'm not familiar with Sea Hunt, but the underwater world is intoxicating even without nitrogen narcosis.

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  2. Ah! The seduction of pleasure!

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    1. He he - well they certainly got seduced, didn't they, Neil?

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  3. Well this was lovely, and made me quite envious sitting in work on a cold winter's day! Enjoy your vagabonding :-)

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    1. Thanks, Iain. I'll be staying in Europe, so I won't be diving on this trip unfortunately - but hoping for better weather than I'm currently experiencing!

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  4. This was a most lovely story... worth their potential demise!

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    1. Thank you for your comment, Dale. I appreciate knowing that my story was an enjoyable read.

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    1. Yes, they drowned - but at least they would have died smiling.

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  6. Blimey! What a way to go! You've given us a story full of light that ends in the darkness of the abyss. Nicely done!

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    1. Quite! Never underestimate the effects of diving deeper than you should.

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  7. Such are the treats of the magical world inside the sea!
    Great to go on a trip down there via your story :)

    Best wishes for your vagabonding. Take care, Susan.

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    1. Thanks, Anita - I'm glad you enjoyed the trip underwater! Oh, and thanks for the good wishes for my travels. :)

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  8. Oh, dear--I hope they survived! What a lovely fantasy, being able to go as deep as stay as long as you like.

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    1. Unfortunately, they probably drowned ecstatically before realising the danger.
      My maximum dive time on a normal tank of air is around 60 minutes - but I'd love it to be for as long as I liked!

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  9. thanks for the fabulously charming, underwater trip.
    Snuggled in love and beauty, if I am to go like that, I would have no regrets.
    Best wishes for your travels. Look forward to hearing more stories when you return.
    Moon

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    1. Thank you, moon. Yes, I can think of worse ways to go! See you in April. :)

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  10. Great story, Susan, though any diving films give me the heebee-jeebees!

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    1. Thanks, Liz. Of all the things I've ever done in my life, learning to scuba dive is probably the best! You wouldn't get the heebee-jeebees once you were down there and experiencing wonderland. :)

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  11. Beautiful descriptions of The Rapture. Perhaps they died with smiles on their faces at least.

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    1. Thank you for your feedback! Yes, I think that's what happened.

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  12. This made me think of the little death... the sensuality of this sounds exciting, but still the abyss is there.

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    1. Yes, exciting but deadly! Thanks for your comment. :)

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  13. They won't be doing that again in a hurry! Good story!

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    1. Thanks, Jane. No, I think their journey into the abyss was one way.

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  14. Sea Hunt ran from 1958-1961. IIRC, it was syndicated rather than being on any network. It starred Lloyd Bridges, father to Beau and Jeff. They're all very distant relatives of mine, but I couldn't tell you how they're related to me.

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    1. Ummm, I stupidly forgot to mention your story! Very spooky ending. I hear there's a similar condition that effects some people who travel to outer space.

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    2. If Sea Hunt ran until 1961 that would explain why I'm not familiar with it... too young! Thanks for your second comment. I didn't know about the outer space thing - I'll have to google it. :)

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  15. i wanted to believe they survived to tell their story just like in the movie the abyss.

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    1. Go ahead and write your own ending! That's what fiction is all about. :)

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  16. Great dialogue - and love the naturalistic style

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    1. Thanks for your feedback - it's greatly appreciated. :)

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  17. At least they passed away doing what they loved with the person the loved. I hope you'll be taking your camera vagabonding with you Susan!

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    1. True enough, Keith. Camera will be at the ready! :)

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  18. Beautiful descriptions Susan -love those salsa dancing fish! Makes death seem like a very attractive option. Enjoy your travels :)

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    1. Thanks for commenting, Lynn. See you when I return. :)

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  19. I love her reaction to his wonderfully romantic description - "Blimey" :-)

    Since they're both aware of the dangers, I can't help wondering if they wanted this, this is their "way out"... or am I being too dark?

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    1. Thanks, Alistair. Did they want this? Now that's a scenario I hadn't considered!

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  20. You've painted a colourful and exotic picture - but the undersea is just that - magic. As for the experience? Well, hmmm ... I'm still wavering in my head whether they lived or died - debating the logical with the wishful thinking - so that's okay too. LOL - I'll just think on the coral and fish and the lightness in water. Fun reading :)

    And have a good trip. :)

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    1. Thanks for the feedback, wildchild. Yes, the underwater world is the most magical place on earth. See you when I return in the spring. :)

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  21. Ooooooo such a free and uplifting piece. I hope they surface to breathe. So joyful

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  22. Ah, no. It's such an alien environment, so seductive. The contrast between their joy, and the end they are diving towards is very well done.

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  23. pageant of marine life ~ What a glorious line. I loved your descriptions but this was my favorite. You left me feeling uplifted (and like I want to go snorkeling.)

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comments, Alicia.

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  24. Terrific story that i can relate to. When i was taking my advance diving certification, I lost my mouth piece and sucked in water. We were probably only at 80 ft so i doubt it was anything as glorious as the rapture. My instructor got me up to the surface just fine but i was coughing up water the rest of the day. I also had to finish one one dive after that. But it did it.

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    1. Thanks, Susan. I've been diving for years - both recreationally and as a professional divemaster. I think we must all have stories from when we were novices. Glad you got safely back to the surface!

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  25. enjoyed the scuba diving bliss
    and nice take on this prompt - hope you enjoy your time away
    :)
    priorhouse blog

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    1. Thanks for your comment. I'm going to miss joining in FF for the next few weeks.

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  26. You made it so beautiful that it feels natural to want to embrace death after that!

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    1. He he - well I can think of worse ways to go, Dahlia!

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  27. So even knowing the dangers, they succumbed. I hope they enjoy the brief time left to them.

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    1. The problem is depth. You are safe until you go too deep. That's when you run the risk of narcosis. But it's not a given. I've never experienced it, even though I've done some deep dives.

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  28. As a former diver, I found your story eerily beautiful. Nicely done! Enjoy your vagabonding!

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    1. Ah, so you understand the thrill and the wonder of the underwater world, Jan. Thanks for your comment.

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  29. Oh no! Not good what happened to them, but you're writing was excellent, so at least they have a well-conveyed grave in the deep. Very well written in a short space.
    Anne from annehiga.com

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    1. Thank you for your complimentary comments, Anne - much appreciated.

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  30. A dark story with vivid descriptions, very well done indeed.

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    1. Thank you - I'm glad you liked my descriptions. :)

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  31. Perhaps, now they are free. Lovely description of the underwater, Susan.
    Thanks, Norma.

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    1. Thanks for your feedback, Norma - appreciate it. :)

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  32. I love the sea, but I'll keep breathing air if you don't mind!

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    1. He he - but you breathe air underwater from your tank... unless you spit the mouthpiece out!

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  33. You took us on a magical ride with that story :)

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  34. Hi Keith, thanks for popping in and thanks for your comment.

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Thank you for your comment!