Wednesday, 7 February 2018

THE RAPTURE OF THE DEEP - 100 word story

The Friday Fictioneers photo prompt this week reminded me of places where I've dived and made me want to tell a scuba diving story. As I'm short on time I've rewritten a story to make it fit the word count. Nitrogen Narcosis exists - but recreational divers aren't at risk if they keep within maximum depths!
PHOTO PROMPT © JS Brand



THE RAPTURE OF THE DEEP

‘Nitrogen narcosis, The Rapture of the Deep. It changes your reality.' Tom looked into Ella's eyes. 'The Rapture is intoxicating, seductive and potentially deadly.’
‘Blimey,’ said Ella.
They descended amidst a pageant of marine life. Corals glowed and pulsed. Impossibly hued fish shimmied and salsa’d, saying, ‘look at us, Ella.’
Was this it? The Rapture? But it was glorious. Ella pirouetted, beckoning to the fish to be stroked.
She swooped down, following them. Tom caught her. She giggled and twisted in his arms. Tom's eyes dilated. He laughed.
They spat out their mouthpieces and swam, enraptured, into the abyss.




I'm going vagabonding for a few weeks so this is my last story for a little while. I hope you enjoyed it and I look forward to reading your comments. 

If you wish to read more Friday Fictioneers stories, you can find them listed HERE


If you'd like to join in the challenge, you'll find all the information posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields 
- her blog is listed on 'My Blog List' on the right hand side of this page.

On a final note - I always try to visit the blogs of everyone who comments on mine. If I haven't commented on yours it's either because I haven't been able to find your blog when I've clicked on your name or because you have a wordpress account that requires me to sign in first. 
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67 comments:

  1. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields7 February 2018 at 11:12

    Dear Susan,

    As a child I was a huge Sea Hunt fan. Love underwater. It's a whole other world. Your story captures that. Sensually and visually entertaining.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 14:11

      Thanks for the feedback, Rochelle. I'm not familiar with Sea Hunt, but the underwater world is intoxicating even without nitrogen narcosis.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous7 February 2018 at 11:16

    Ah! The seduction of pleasure!

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 14:12

      He he - well they certainly got seduced, didn't they, Neil?

      Delete
  3. Iain Kelly7 February 2018 at 11:21

    Well this was lovely, and made me quite envious sitting in work on a cold winter's day! Enjoy your vagabonding :-)

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 14:14

      Thanks, Iain. I'll be staying in Europe, so I won't be diving on this trip unfortunately - but hoping for better weather than I'm currently experiencing!

      Delete
  4. Dale7 February 2018 at 12:56

    This was a most lovely story... worth their potential demise!

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 14:15

      Thank you for your comment, Dale. I appreciate knowing that my story was an enjoyable read.

      Delete
  5. James7 February 2018 at 14:50

    And died.

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 15:09

      Yes, they drowned - but at least they would have died smiling.

      Delete
  6. Penny Gadd7 February 2018 at 14:58

    Blimey! What a way to go! You've given us a story full of light that ends in the darkness of the abyss. Nicely done!

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 15:10

      Quite! Never underestimate the effects of diving deeper than you should.

      Delete
  7. Anita Sabat7 February 2018 at 15:50

    Such are the treats of the magical world inside the sea!
    Great to go on a trip down there via your story :)

    Best wishes for your vagabonding. Take care, Susan.

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 17:52

      Thanks, Anita - I'm glad you enjoyed the trip underwater! Oh, and thanks for the good wishes for my travels. :)

      Delete
  8. Linda7 February 2018 at 15:56

    Oh, dear--I hope they survived! What a lovely fantasy, being able to go as deep as stay as long as you like.

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 17:55

      Unfortunately, they probably drowned ecstatically before realising the danger.
      My maximum dive time on a normal tank of air is around 60 minutes - but I'd love it to be for as long as I liked!

      Delete
  9. Anonymous7 February 2018 at 16:56

    thanks for the fabulously charming, underwater trip.
    Snuggled in love and beauty, if I am to go like that, I would have no regrets.
    Best wishes for your travels. Look forward to hearing more stories when you return.
    Moon

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 17:56

      Thank you, moon. Yes, I can think of worse ways to go! See you in April. :)

      Delete
  10. liz young7 February 2018 at 18:00

    Great story, Susan, though any diving films give me the heebee-jeebees!

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 18:17

      Thanks, Liz. Of all the things I've ever done in my life, learning to scuba dive is probably the best! You wouldn't get the heebee-jeebees once you were down there and experiencing wonderland. :)

      Delete
  11. EagleAye7 February 2018 at 18:15

    Beautiful descriptions of The Rapture. Perhaps they died with smiles on their faces at least.

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 18:18

      Thank you for your feedback! Yes, I think that's what happened.

      Delete
  12. brudberg7 February 2018 at 20:11

    This made me think of the little death... the sensuality of this sounds exciting, but still the abyss is there.

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 21:37

      Yes, exciting but deadly! Thanks for your comment. :)

      Delete
  13. Jane Dougherty7 February 2018 at 20:32

    They won't be doing that again in a hurry! Good story!

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    1. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 21:38

      Thanks, Jane. No, I think their journey into the abyss was one way.

      Delete
  14. The Silver Fox7 February 2018 at 21:32

    Sea Hunt ran from 1958-1961. IIRC, it was syndicated rather than being on any network. It starred Lloyd Bridges, father to Beau and Jeff. They're all very distant relatives of mine, but I couldn't tell you how they're related to me.

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    1. The Silver Fox7 February 2018 at 21:33

      Ummm, I stupidly forgot to mention your story! Very spooky ending. I hear there's a similar condition that effects some people who travel to outer space.

      Delete
    2. Susan A Eames7 February 2018 at 21:40

      If Sea Hunt ran until 1961 that would explain why I'm not familiar with it... too young! Thanks for your second comment. I didn't know about the outer space thing - I'll have to google it. :)

      Delete
  15. plaridel7 February 2018 at 22:28

    i wanted to believe they survived to tell their story just like in the movie the abyss.

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    1. Susan A Eames8 February 2018 at 10:37

      Go ahead and write your own ending! That's what fiction is all about. :)

      Delete
  16. This Writing Life7 February 2018 at 23:19

    Great dialogue - and love the naturalistic style

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    1. Susan A Eames8 February 2018 at 10:37

      Thanks for your feedback - it's greatly appreciated. :)

      Delete
  17. Keith's Ramblings8 February 2018 at 01:43

    At least they passed away doing what they loved with the person the loved. I hope you'll be taking your camera vagabonding with you Susan!

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    1. Susan A Eames8 February 2018 at 10:38

      True enough, Keith. Camera will be at the ready! :)

      Delete
  18. Lynn Love8 February 2018 at 08:06

    Beautiful descriptions Susan -love those salsa dancing fish! Makes death seem like a very attractive option. Enjoy your travels :)

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    1. Susan A Eames8 February 2018 at 10:39

      Thanks for commenting, Lynn. See you when I return. :)

      Delete
  19. draliman8 February 2018 at 08:12

    I love her reaction to his wonderfully romantic description - "Blimey" :-)

    Since they're both aware of the dangers, I can't help wondering if they wanted this, this is their "way out"... or am I being too dark?

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    1. Susan A Eames8 February 2018 at 10:42

      Thanks, Alistair. Did they want this? Now that's a scenario I hadn't considered!

      Delete
  20. WildChild478 February 2018 at 18:28

    You've painted a colourful and exotic picture - but the undersea is just that - magic. As for the experience? Well, hmmm ... I'm still wavering in my head whether they lived or died - debating the logical with the wishful thinking - so that's okay too. LOL - I'll just think on the coral and fish and the lightness in water. Fun reading :)

    And have a good trip. :)

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    1. Susan A Eames8 February 2018 at 18:42

      Thanks for the feedback, wildchild. Yes, the underwater world is the most magical place on earth. See you when I return in the spring. :)

      Delete
  21. Anonymous8 February 2018 at 20:12

    Ooooooo such a free and uplifting piece. I hope they surface to breathe. So joyful

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  22. sarah9 February 2018 at 11:05

    Ah, no. It's such an alien environment, so seductive. The contrast between their joy, and the end they are diving towards is very well done.

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  23. Alicia9 February 2018 at 14:45

    pageant of marine life ~ What a glorious line. I loved your descriptions but this was my favorite. You left me feeling uplifted (and like I want to go snorkeling.)

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  24. Sue Spaulding10 February 2018 at 01:32

    Terrific story that i can relate to. When i was taking my advance diving certification, I lost my mouth piece and sucked in water. We were probably only at 80 ft so i doubt it was anything as glorious as the rapture. My instructor got me up to the surface just fine but i was coughing up water the rest of the day. I also had to finish one one dive after that. But it did it.

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    1. Susan A Eames11 February 2018 at 18:35

      Thanks, Susan. I've been diving for years - both recreationally and as a professional divemaster. I think we must all have stories from when we were novices. Glad you got safely back to the surface!

      Delete
  25. Anonymous10 February 2018 at 04:24

    enjoyed the scuba diving bliss
    and nice take on this prompt - hope you enjoy your time away
    :)
    priorhouse blog

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    1. Susan A Eames11 February 2018 at 18:35

      Thanks for your comment. I'm going to miss joining in FF for the next few weeks.

      Delete
  26. Dahlia10 February 2018 at 11:27

    You made it so beautiful that it feels natural to want to embrace death after that!

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    1. Susan A Eames11 February 2018 at 18:36

      He he - well I can think of worse ways to go, Dahlia!

      Delete
  27. Anonymous10 February 2018 at 15:59

    So even knowing the dangers, they succumbed. I hope they enjoy the brief time left to them.

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    1. Susan A Eames11 February 2018 at 18:38

      The problem is depth. You are safe until you go too deep. That's when you run the risk of narcosis. But it's not a given. I've never experienced it, even though I've done some deep dives.

      Delete
  28. Jan Morrill11 February 2018 at 18:04

    As a former diver, I found your story eerily beautiful. Nicely done! Enjoy your vagabonding!

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    1. Susan A Eames11 February 2018 at 18:38

      Ah, so you understand the thrill and the wonder of the underwater world, Jan. Thanks for your comment.

      Delete
  29. Anne Higa11 February 2018 at 21:09

    Oh no! Not good what happened to them, but you're writing was excellent, so at least they have a well-conveyed grave in the deep. Very well written in a short space.
    Anne from annehiga.com

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    Replies
    1. Susan A Eames12 February 2018 at 17:37

      Thank you for your complimentary comments, Anne - much appreciated.

      Delete
  30. Subroto12 February 2018 at 01:23

    A dark story with vivid descriptions, very well done indeed.

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    1. Susan A Eames12 February 2018 at 17:37

      Thank you - I'm glad you liked my descriptions. :)

      Delete
  31. Anonymous13 February 2018 at 13:53

    Perhaps, now they are free. Lovely description of the underwater, Susan.
    Thanks, Norma.

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    1. Susan A Eames14 February 2018 at 18:08

      Thanks for your feedback, Norma - appreciate it. :)

      Delete
  32. Patsy17 February 2018 at 21:20

    I love the sea, but I'll keep breathing air if you don't mind!

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    1. Susan A Eames20 February 2018 at 21:31

      He he - but you breathe air underwater from your tank... unless you spit the mouthpiece out!

      Delete
  33. Optimistic Existentialist11 March 2018 at 17:42

    You took us on a magical ride with that story :)

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  34. Susan A Eames11 March 2018 at 20:06

    Hi Keith, thanks for popping in and thanks for your comment.

    ReplyDelete

Many thanks for commenting. I appreciate your feedback.

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