Wednesday, 24 January 2018

THE WARNING - 100 word story

The photo prompt for Friday Fictioneers this week led me along a path of destruction and betrayal. Hope you like it!


Photo Prompt by Sandra Crook


The Warning

I waited in front of the derelict shop.
When he turned the corner I started the car and eased onto the road, smooth as cream.
He didn’t notice me. He never noticed the sassy woman who lived inside this plain-Jane skin. A woman brave enough to take action when side-swiped by betrayal.
He stepped onto the crossing. I accelerated. Our eyes locked. His widened in realisation. Too late, mate.
Bodies don't bounce. They thud and crunch and roll away kinda slow.
   
Janice hit Print, placed the draft of her new thriller on the desk, knowing her husband would read it.




I hope you enjoyed my story and I look forward to reading your comments. 

If you wish to read more Friday Fictioneers stories, you can find them listed HERE 


If you'd like to join in the challenge, you'll find all the information posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields 
- her blog is listed on 'My Blog List' on the right hand side of this page



63 comments:

  1. I liked the bodies don't bounce line and then the extra layer at the end

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    1. Thanks, Neil. I've never written a thriller, but when I thought up the 'bodies don't bounce' line, it felt right.

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  2. Dear Susan,

    As authors we have ultimate power, don't we? Loved this. Guess the husband better be on his best behaviour, eh?

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Yes, he'd better heed her warning, Rochelle! :)

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  4. I hope her husband gets the message before it's too late - I suspect he won't read it though. Nice twist at the end Susan.

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    1. Thanks, Iain. I enjoyed writing it. :)

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  5. Thanks, Liz - always nice to know when I succeed in surprising the reader!

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  6. Uh oh. Husband might want to see a lawyer.

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    1. He he - husband needs to stop his shenanigans!

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  7. I had no idea where that was going! Well done.

    It reminds me of a comic book I read once. A (fictional) comic book artist lived in the same building as a young lady. After they'd shared an ill-advised one night stand, he drew some comic pages placing the woman in an x-rated situation. Naturally, she saw the pages by accident a short time later. She was predictably outraged.

    That's a great photo for the prompt, by the way.

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    1. Always happy to surprise! Yes, the prompt this week was a good one, wasn't it? Are you tempted to join in?

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    2. I'm afraid I have too many posts already scheduled to fit another one in.

      By the way, do you have any idea what that sign in the window says? I tried enlarging it but it ;lost too much detail when enlarged.

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    3. No, I don't know what the sign says - I had the same problem when I tried to enlarge the photo.

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  8. Nice one, Susan! I particularly liked "He never noticed the sassy woman who lived inside this plain-Jane skin." It sums up so much that was wrong in their marriage.
    I hope her husband mends his ways!

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    1. He might when he reads that draft, Penny!

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  9. It sounds like he doesn't really know his sassy wife! Now you've got me wondering.....

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    1. He he - every now and then I still have the ability to surprise my husband. Do we ever really know our other halves inside out?

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  10. I think he'll enjoy reading that one. Preferably on a plane to somewhere else though. Good one.

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    1. He might get a bit of a jolt when he does, Sandra! (Thanks for supplying the photo prompt - it's a good one.)

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  11. Brutal revenge with a nice twist of hope.

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  12. Yeah, but it's all just fiction, right? Right? Right?!!!

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  13. Yes... for now, Alice. Fiction with a message for her husband. :)

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  14. Reminds me of the book "Life and love of a she-devil"... but more subtle. Wonder if he gets the little hint...

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    1. He should get the hint, Bjorn - but you never know! :)

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  15. But does he read her work? Otherwise I fear he is going to thud and crunch and roll away kinda slow ;-)

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    1. He he - well, Janice believes he does, so only time will tell, Subroto. :)

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  16. glad, it was just a draft. he should be smart to read it carefully. :)

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  17. Ha ha ha ha. Hope he sees some sense after reading it :-)

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    1. He'll either mend his ways, or realise he has to leave her. :)

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  18. Nice one! Great imagery, then a twist, then another implied twist as fact turned fiction could turn to fact if hubby doesn't mend his ways. Very clever!

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    1. Thanks for spotting that, Alistair. My first version included a third twist but I couldn't make it fit the word count. :)

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  19. I think her husband should be very, very wary! I liked the bodies don't bounce line too, though I'm slightly disturbed you know that!

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    1. What makes you think I know, Lynn? Bwahaha....

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  20. The pen is a frightening weapon. The husband will pause.... i hope, and reflect.

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    1. He will if he has any sense, Vivian. :)

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  21. That is great! Was not expecting that ending! Let us hope that her husband need not worry that this is a hidden message but will be a most supportive sort in her new career...

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  22. Nicely crafted with great word-smithy.

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  23. Nice one Susan. :) I hope the husband realizes whatever wrong he has or hasn't done before it's too late and he sees another version of his "plain-Jane skin" wife.
    Thanks, Norma.

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    1. I think that's what she's hoping, Norma.

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  24. Ha, ha. Well her husband had his warning. Something tells me he knows her enough by now and will heed the warning. Good writing, Susan. :D --- Suzanne

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    1. Thanks, Suzanne. Hopefully Janice's draft will give him a kick up the you-know-what!

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  25. superb storytelling, Susan!
    I hope her husband realises what he should not be doing, before its too late and I hope he does read her thriller.
    Best wishes,
    moon

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    1. Thank you for the lovely feedback, moon. :)

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  26. Janice sounds like a scary lady. I like the expression "smooth as cream" in your/her story - it hints that she's feeling pleased with herself about what will be a job well done.

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    1. Yes, I think her husband should pay attention! :)

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  27. Sounds like he needs to read her draft carefully and make some changes! I loved this piece.

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  28. Good tale. You had me with that unexpected twist and the warning to the husband contained in her novel.

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    1. Thanks, Irene. Glad to know my ending was as surprising as I hoped it would be. :)

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  29. A chilling warning, indeed! I hope he watches his step from now on.

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    1. Well, Fatima, if he doesn't heed the warning he'll know what to expect! :)

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    1. Thank you, Sarah. Glad you loved it! :)

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  31. An unexpected twist! I loved "Bodies don't bounce." Appropriate title, too. :) Hopefully, Hubby takes heed!

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    1. Thanks for your feedback, Jan. It's always encouraging to know when a story has worked - appreciate it!

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  32. LOL. Nice! I love the twist and then another twist ending.

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  33. Thanks for your comment, Anne. I'm glad you liked it. :)

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