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| Photo Prompt by Sandra Crook |
The Warning
I waited in front of
the derelict shop.
When he turned the
corner I started the car and eased onto the road, smooth as cream.
He didn’t notice me.
He never noticed the sassy woman who lived inside this plain-Jane
skin. A woman brave enough to take action when side-swiped by
betrayal.
He stepped onto the
crossing. I accelerated. Our eyes locked. His widened in realisation.
Too late, mate.
Bodies don't bounce.
They thud and crunch and roll away kinda slow.
Janice hit Print,
placed the draft of her new thriller on the desk, knowing her husband
would read it.
I hope you enjoyed my story and I look forward to reading your comments.
If you wish to read more Friday Fictioneers stories, you can find them listed HERE
If you wish to read more Friday Fictioneers stories, you can find them listed HERE
If you'd like to join in the challenge, you'll find all the information posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
- her blog is listed on 'My Blog List' on the right hand side of this page
I liked the bodies don't bounce line and then the extra layer at the end
ReplyDeleteThanks, Neil. I've never written a thriller, but when I thought up the 'bodies don't bounce' line, it felt right.
DeleteDear Susan,
ReplyDeleteAs authors we have ultimate power, don't we? Loved this. Guess the husband better be on his best behaviour, eh?
Shalom,
Rochelle
Yes, he'd better heed her warning, Rochelle! :)
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI hope her husband gets the message before it's too late - I suspect he won't read it though. Nice twist at the end Susan.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Iain. I enjoyed writing it. :)
DeleteWonderful warning, Susan! :) Nice twist.
ReplyDeleteThat's a strong woman!
Women mustn't allow themselves to be taken for granted.
What a clever twist!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Liz - always nice to know when I succeed in surprising the reader!
ReplyDeleteUh oh. Husband might want to see a lawyer.
ReplyDeleteHe he - husband needs to stop his shenanigans!
DeleteI had no idea where that was going! Well done.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of a comic book I read once. A (fictional) comic book artist lived in the same building as a young lady. After they'd shared an ill-advised one night stand, he drew some comic pages placing the woman in an x-rated situation. Naturally, she saw the pages by accident a short time later. She was predictably outraged.
That's a great photo for the prompt, by the way.
Always happy to surprise! Yes, the prompt this week was a good one, wasn't it? Are you tempted to join in?
DeleteI'm afraid I have too many posts already scheduled to fit another one in.
DeleteBy the way, do you have any idea what that sign in the window says? I tried enlarging it but it ;lost too much detail when enlarged.
No, I don't know what the sign says - I had the same problem when I tried to enlarge the photo.
DeleteNice one, Susan! I particularly liked "He never noticed the sassy woman who lived inside this plain-Jane skin." It sums up so much that was wrong in their marriage.
ReplyDeleteI hope her husband mends his ways!
He might when he reads that draft, Penny!
DeleteIt sounds like he doesn't really know his sassy wife! Now you've got me wondering.....
ReplyDeleteHe he - every now and then I still have the ability to surprise my husband. Do we ever really know our other halves inside out?
DeleteI think he'll enjoy reading that one. Preferably on a plane to somewhere else though. Good one.
ReplyDeleteHe might get a bit of a jolt when he does, Sandra! (Thanks for supplying the photo prompt - it's a good one.)
DeleteBrutal revenge with a nice twist of hope.
ReplyDeleteFiction within fiction, Helen. :)
DeleteYeah, but it's all just fiction, right? Right? Right?!!!
ReplyDeleteYes... for now, Alice. Fiction with a message for her husband. :)
ReplyDeleteReminds me of the book "Life and love of a she-devil"... but more subtle. Wonder if he gets the little hint...
ReplyDeleteHe should get the hint, Bjorn - but you never know! :)
DeleteBut does he read her work? Otherwise I fear he is going to thud and crunch and roll away kinda slow ;-)
ReplyDeleteHe he - well, Janice believes he does, so only time will tell, Subroto. :)
Deleteglad, it was just a draft. he should be smart to read it carefully. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, if he has any sense! :)
DeleteHa ha ha ha. Hope he sees some sense after reading it :-)
ReplyDeleteHe'll either mend his ways, or realise he has to leave her. :)
DeleteNice one! Great imagery, then a twist, then another implied twist as fact turned fiction could turn to fact if hubby doesn't mend his ways. Very clever!
ReplyDeleteThanks for spotting that, Alistair. My first version included a third twist but I couldn't make it fit the word count. :)
DeleteI think her husband should be very, very wary! I liked the bodies don't bounce line too, though I'm slightly disturbed you know that!
ReplyDeleteWhat makes you think I know, Lynn? Bwahaha....
DeleteThe pen is a frightening weapon. The husband will pause.... i hope, and reflect.
ReplyDeleteHe will if he has any sense, Vivian. :)
DeleteThat is great! Was not expecting that ending! Let us hope that her husband need not worry that this is a hidden message but will be a most supportive sort in her new career...
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dale. He has much to ponder!
DeleteNicely crafted with great word-smithy.
ReplyDeleteNice one Susan. :) I hope the husband realizes whatever wrong he has or hasn't done before it's too late and he sees another version of his "plain-Jane skin" wife.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Norma.
I think that's what she's hoping, Norma.
DeleteHa, ha. Well her husband had his warning. Something tells me he knows her enough by now and will heed the warning. Good writing, Susan. :D --- Suzanne
ReplyDeleteThanks, Suzanne. Hopefully Janice's draft will give him a kick up the you-know-what!
Deletesuperb storytelling, Susan!
ReplyDeleteI hope her husband realises what he should not be doing, before its too late and I hope he does read her thriller.
Best wishes,
moon
Thank you for the lovely feedback, moon. :)
DeleteJanice sounds like a scary lady. I like the expression "smooth as cream" in your/her story - it hints that she's feeling pleased with herself about what will be a job well done.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think her husband should pay attention! :)
DeleteSounds like he needs to read her draft carefully and make some changes! I loved this piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Amie. :)
DeleteGood tale. You had me with that unexpected twist and the warning to the husband contained in her novel.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Irene. Glad to know my ending was as surprising as I hoped it would be. :)
DeleteA chilling warning, indeed! I hope he watches his step from now on.
ReplyDeleteWell, Fatima, if he doesn't heed the warning he'll know what to expect! :)
DeleteLove it. A wonderful twist.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sarah. Glad you loved it! :)
DeleteAn unexpected twist! I loved "Bodies don't bounce." Appropriate title, too. :) Hopefully, Hubby takes heed!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your feedback, Jan. It's always encouraging to know when a story has worked - appreciate it!
DeleteLOL. Nice! I love the twist and then another twist ending.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment, Anne. I'm glad you liked it. :)
ReplyDelete