Wednesday, 10 January 2018

BITER BIT - 100 Words

As soon as I saw the photo prompt for this week's Friday Fictioneers 100 word challenge I thought of the famous quote:

 'Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive'.

 This story is adapted from a true experience in Namibia. 
PHOTO PROMPT © Victor and Sarah Potter


BITER BIT

The gorge was flanked by cliffs layered like flaky pastry. I lifted my camera.
'I'll stand here, for perspective, Katy.' Ben posed. 
He looked magnificent. Although I’d cut my throat before I told the vain git.
Further along we found a snake curled asleep.
'Wow! Take our picture.' Ben stepped forwards, turned and posed.
The snake slid away.
'Uh, Ben? Don’t move. It’s a cobra.'
Ben froze. 'You kidding?'
'No, mate. Hold still. Movement might trigger a strike.'
Gleefully I photographed Ben’s beautiful, terrified face.
His expression changed. 'Uh, Katy? There's another one right behind you.'

I hope you enjoyed my story and I look forward to reading your comments. 

 If you wish to read more Friday Fictioneers stories, you can find them listed HERE


If you'd like to join in the challenge, you'll find the all information posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields 
- her blog is listed on 'My Blog List' on the right hand side of this page



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70 comments:

  1. Iain Kelly10 January 2018 at 17:05

    Given that your still alive it seems you survived this experience! Terrifying and humourous too.

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    1. Susan A Eames10 January 2018 at 17:27

      Yes I survived! In the real story there was one cobra, two very nervous hikers and not a vain poser to be seen. :)

      Delete
  2. Anonymous10 January 2018 at 17:23

    Love's little niggles beautifulluy captured

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  3. Varad10 January 2018 at 18:02

    Yikes! A Cobra? Exit, stage right for me please. But this story was absolutely crackling with humor. Nicely done, Susan.

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  4. Lynn Love10 January 2018 at 18:28

    Can't imagine how terrified I'd be in this situation! Great take on the prompt, Susan

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    1. Susan A Eames10 January 2018 at 19:21

      Thanks, Lynn. I have respect for them, but I've never had a huge fear of snakes - I find them very fascinating.

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  5. liz young10 January 2018 at 20:07

    Nice twist, Susan - and I see from the other comments that you didn't barely escape with your life!

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  6. Susan A Eames10 January 2018 at 20:34

    In the true story, we didn't know what species the snake was until it suddenly turned on us, reared up and spread its hood. You have never seen two people walk backwards so fast! :)

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  7. brudberg10 January 2018 at 21:44

    I would be terrified too... even before it had spread it's hood... love th dialogue and I'm curious how the picture turned out.

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  8. Susan A Eames10 January 2018 at 22:07

    I like to think that Katy managed to photograph the snake behind her... and dump Ben the vain git afterwards.

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  9. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields10 January 2018 at 22:25

    Dear Susan,

    I loved the 'vain git' line. Tense story. I hoped they would both make it out alive. Well done and even more intriguing since it's based on facts.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Susan A Eames11 January 2018 at 17:22

      Well you know what they say, Rochelle, about truth being stranger than fiction! :)

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  10. The Silver Fox11 January 2018 at 00:04

    Hm. I was wondering if there really was a second snake behind Katy, or if Ben was just fooling her to give her a taste of her own medicine. However, in a comment above, you said "I like to think that Katy managed to photograph the snake behind her" so I guess there really was one.

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    1. Susan A Eames11 January 2018 at 17:24

      Yes, I think there really was a snake behind her, on the grounds that Ben isn't all that clever - but I could be wrong.

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  11. Joy Pixley11 January 2018 at 03:12

    Hair raising tale! I'm not especially afraid of snakes, but I'd have second thoughts accidentally getting too close to a cobra in the wild.

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    1. Susan A Eames11 January 2018 at 17:27

      Joy, in the real scenario we were keeping well back from the snake and had no idea it was a cobra until it reared up and opened its hood. We abandoned our hike and returned to the warden's office. It was he who confirmed that it would have been a Cape Cobra.

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  12. Birgit11 January 2018 at 03:28

    So....I would be scared out of my hat! Great story especially with that last sentence. I am thinking you came across a Cobra but only one...I hope.

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    1. Susan A Eames11 January 2018 at 17:28

      Yes, Birgit - and one was enough I can tell you!

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  13. Deepa11 January 2018 at 05:07

    Superbly written. I could totally imagine this

    Click Here to see what Mrs. Dash Says

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  14. Anurag Bakhshi11 January 2018 at 05:47

    Woah! I was terrified just reading it, so I cannot even begin to imagine your state!

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    1. Susan A Eames11 January 2018 at 17:31

      He he - well it all happened very quickly, so we didn't really have time to be scared. But we did skedaddle immediately!

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  15. draliman11 January 2018 at 08:07

    Oops! How long did you stand there motionless? :-)

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    1. Susan A Eames11 January 2018 at 17:32

      We didn't - we retreated by walking backwards as fast as possible.

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  16. Penny Gadd11 January 2018 at 09:20

    I enjoyed your story, in a skin-crawling sort of way...! Good situation, fluent writing, and nice punchline.

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    1. Susan A Eames11 January 2018 at 17:32

      Thanks for the feedback, Penny - much appreciated.

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  17. Sandra Crook11 January 2018 at 11:20

    Such a graphic opening line, and very entertaining.

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    1. Susan A Eames11 January 2018 at 17:33

      Thanks, Sandra - always good to know if I've managed to entertain the readers!

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  18. Keith's Ramblings11 January 2018 at 11:36

    Not a situation I'd like to find myself in! Nice one Susan - sort of!

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  19. Susie Clevenger11 January 2018 at 22:27

    Not so much glee on her part now is there? I would have been out of there at the first snake sighting.

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  20. Anonymous11 January 2018 at 23:01

    OMG... this was very cleverly told. A tangled web indeed... though I do love the idea of her photographing his terrified expression

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    1. Susan A Eames12 January 2018 at 11:01

      Thanks for the feedback. Yes, he deserved it really.

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  21. Subroto12 January 2018 at 00:32

    Ouch! So much for enjoying his distress, how quickly the tables turned.

    When I was a kid my father was in the Indian Army and as a result I have stayed in many army cantonments in remote areas (in those days). Have too many snake stories of my own, like the cobra under my grandmother's bed. And then I moved to Australia..sigh..

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    1. Susan A Eames12 January 2018 at 11:02

      Ha ha - that's a great story, Subroto. My parents grew up in the Asia and also had some hairy snake stories to outdo mine!

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  22. Sascha Darlington12 January 2018 at 01:55

    This is really good. Clever!

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  23. moon12 January 2018 at 06:49

    Brilliant dialogue,Susan.
    I would probably have fainted in that situation. Admire Katy's strength.

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  24. Anonymous12 January 2018 at 07:40

    Terrifying situation but humorously told. Nicely done, Susan.
    Thanks,
    Norma.

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    1. Susan A Eames12 January 2018 at 11:04

      Yes, pretty scary, Norma. Thanks for commenting.

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  25. Anonymous12 January 2018 at 13:32

    Very well told.

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  26. P.S. Joshi12 January 2018 at 14:17

    A cobra's nothing to fool with. My husband and I were living some years ago in a farmhouse in the mountains here in India. I opened the bathroom door and there was a cobra looking at me with the hood spread out. I quickly closed the door and some men came to remove it. Good writing, Susan. :) --- Suzanne

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    1. Susan A Eames12 January 2018 at 15:27

      This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Susan A Eames12 January 2018 at 15:29

      I agree, Suzanne. Thankfully we were able to retreat and leave the national park we were visiting. :)

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  27. Anonymous12 January 2018 at 15:41

    Spiders and snakes always get the heart beat racing, even before they bite. Amazing really.

    James McEwan

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  28. Susan A Eames12 January 2018 at 16:34

    What is it about them? Some sort of primitive reaction? :)

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  29. Unknown12 January 2018 at 18:31

    This story appealed to my quirky humour! Maybe if I lived in a country that had cobras and had seen them firsthand, rather than behind glass in a zoo, I might have found the story frightening, although I'm wondering if there was a cobra there at all, or the pair of them were taking the mickey out of each other. A fun story.

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  30. Anne Higa13 January 2018 at 01:44

    Scary story! Glad you both made it out okay. I like the "don't laugh, it could happen to you" part of this. Nicely done. Thanks for visiting my blog!
    Anne from annehiga.com

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  31. Linda13 January 2018 at 13:39

    Oh geez. Now I'll be watching for snakes where I know there aren't any :)

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  32. Susan A Eames13 January 2018 at 15:36

    You never know, Linda - you never know... :)

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  33. Unknown13 January 2018 at 17:53

    WOW ... I'd have been screaming. But, then again, I'm a scaredy cat. hehe
    Glad you both survived, Susan. the snake encounter. Interesting experience ...
    Isadora 😎

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  34. Susan A Eames13 January 2018 at 19:21

    Thanks, Isadora! :)

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  35. Anonymous14 January 2018 at 13:32

    Nice mix of tension and humor in this, Susan. A fun read. - Russell

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  36. Anonymous14 January 2018 at 18:28

    Love the fun relationship this pair have. Particularly enjoyed 'Although I’d cut my throat before I told the vain git' which gives us such an strong insight.

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    1. Susan A Eames15 January 2018 at 11:56

      I think the challenge with short fiction is to paint as vivid a picture as possible in a limited number of words so it's great to hear that that sentence did its job!

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  37. Dale14 January 2018 at 19:06

    I thought of the same quote, Susan. Then couldn't get it going along with it so looked up another ;-)
    Loved this... more so because it is true!

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  38. Susan A Eames14 January 2018 at 19:07

    That's the challenge, isn't it? To try to cram as much information as possible to paint the picture, in so few words!
    Glad you liked it, Sara.

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  39. Anita Sabat15 January 2018 at 13:16

    Holy snake! Interesting take!
    What happened next?
    Scary situation indeed.

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    1. Susan A Eames15 January 2018 at 15:16

      He he - I've left it up the reader to choose their own ending! :)

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  40. Dahlia15 January 2018 at 13:20

    I liked the layers to this story - apart from the main plot line of the snake, I got a clear picture of the couple, him her, their relationship. In so few words. Amazing

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  41. Helen Laycock19 January 2018 at 08:42

    Ugh! That sent shivers up my spine. Brilliantly captured, Susan.

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  42. Susan A Eames20 January 2018 at 16:38

    Thanks, Helen - I achieved my aim then!

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Many thanks for commenting. I appreciate your feedback.

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